ReelBob: ‘Men in Black International’ ★

By Bob Bloom

“Men in Black International” raises many questions.

Among them: Why was this movie made? Did anyone read — or write, for that matter — the script? And what — besides money — motivated the actors to participate in such dreck?

The answers to those questions are among the many mysteries of the universe.

“MIB International” is such a misfire that it’s hard to know where to even start.

I guess the best place is with Liam Neeson, who plays High T, head of the London headquarters of Men in Black.

First, he looks like he’s already been embalmed, he performs his dialogue as if reading cue cards and his facial expressions and eyes tell you that he wishes he could be anywhere else in the galaxy instead of on movie sets uttering the lame expository lines he was overpaid to say.

Then we have Chris Hemsworth and Tessa Thompson. In “Thor: Ragnarok,” they showed some promising chemistry.

Here, they act like total strangers, wandering about in two separate movies. He’s the big goofus who thinks with his fists, while she’s the brainy, nerd-like rookie who is the smartest person in the room — which isn’t saying much, once you see some of the others with whom they interact.

The movie travels from Paris to New York, London and Marrakesh and other global hot spots. Yet, it seems to be continually spinning its wheels and getting nowhere.

I’d tell you a bit about the movie’s plot, but it was lost somewhere along the way. I think it had to do with some doomsday dingus that Hemsworth’s H and Thompson’s M — along with half the universe — were trying to possess, either to save the world or blow it up.

The movie tries to be light-hearted, tossing in lots of laughs between the various fistfights and super gadgets. Except, the vast majority of one-liners and situations are not funny; it’s almost as if they were scribbled from back issues of “Mad-libs.”

The movie plays not as if it were scripted but tossed in a salad bowl.

“Men in Black International” lacks joy and the sense of puckish cultural awareness that the three previous “Men in Black” movies — starring Will Smith and Tommy Lee Jones — exuded.

And at two hours, “MIB International” slogs along. It’s like rushing to get somewhere and finding yourself in a traffic jam.

This is a movie that exists simply to fill a studio’s coffers. It has no real merit, nor anything new to add to the franchise.

This nation may be divided over the issue of abortion, but I believe we all can come together and agree that “Men in Black International” should have been terminated in its cinematic womb.

I am a founding member of the Indiana Film Journalists Association. My reviews appear at ReelBob (reelbob.com) and Rottentomatoes (www.rottentomatoes.com). I also review Blu-rays and DVDs. I can be reached by email at bobbloomjc@gmail.com or on Twitter @ReelBobBloom. Links to my reviews can be found on Facebook, Twitter and LinkedIn.

MEN IN BLACK INTERNATIONAL
1 star out of 4
(PG-13), science-fiction action and violence, language, suggestive material